March 02, 2006

Part Lesbian?

There's a guy at work who is, hands-down, THE most annoying person I've ever met. He is the previously-mentioned snot-sucker. He is quite loud and incredibly stupid and incapable of performing the daily functions you and I manage to complete in order to live our lives. Somehow, he managed to land himself a successful (and quite hot) boyfriend who performs these tasks for him - he earns the majority of their money, he purchased their house, he plans and pays for their vacations, he manages their finances, etc. I do NOT get how this relationship works because my co-worker seems to bring nothing to the table.

I swear, when my company offered to let me work at home, one of my first thoughts was, "I won't have to work with "M" anymore!" I mean, this guy never shuts up, and he thinks he's incredibly funny (and it should go without saying that he is NOT), and he makes these pop-culture references that are supposed to be all witty, but they're like 10 years too late and probably weren't funny then, either.

The best part about this guy is that he is currently writing a novel (in longhand, mind you) about...wait for it...a lesbian/Amazon/vampire/fairy. He was sending it chapter-by-chapter to an editor friend of his, but then he stopped because said friend was "too critical." Ahem.

I especially love that he describes his main character as "part vampire, part fairy, part Amazon...and part lesbian." Um, what? Can you be one quarter lesbian? Can you be, like, half french and half lesbian? His thinking is so jumbled that he thinks
"lesbian" and another character trait can't take up the same space.

I asked "M" (who is from Puerto Rico) if he is half Puerto Rican and half homosexual, but he didn't seem to get that I was making fun of him. I'm sure he'll be a great writer one day.

So right now he's on vacation in Hawaii, and he's been calling me six or seven times a day, at my home number and work number, the entire time he's been gone. I am not exaggerating. He's only left 2 messages, but he's on my Caller ID at least 6 times a day...more on the weekends. He even calls at work and bugs the receptionist (who is BOMBARDED with calls) telling her he'll hold until I'm free. This is not for an emergency or anything...he just wants to chat. I haven't called him back or taken his calls...'cause I mean, come on, right?

So last night he left me a message all, "Is something wrong? Why aren't you ever available? Am I going to get fired when I get back and you don't want to tell me?" I left him a kind of pissy message this morning telling him that we are SWAMPED at work (maybe because someone has been on VACATION??) and is it that BORING in fucking HAWAII and perhaps my not calling him back is not about him but is about the fact that I am WORKING and therefore BUSY.

Maybe I was mean, I don't know. I felt like it was necessary. Is there something about me that screams, "Bother me incessantly until I snap?" Sometimes I feel like I'm wearing a sign.

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metanephros at 3:03 pm

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