June 19, 2006

Julie

Since I have a bunch of weddings to go to, of course I waited until the absolute last minute to find something to wear. I have nothing summery, nor do I have anything that fits this damn body.

I just can�t buy dresses. If a dress fits my (obviously made for child-bearing) hips, it completely falls off of my (obviously not made for child-feeding) boobs. If I didn�t wait until the last minute, of course, I could always buy something pretty and get it tailored� but alas, I am me, and I hate shopping, and I always think I have more time than I do. I spent many frustrating hours in dreaded fitting rooms this weekend, which � blargh.

I also kind of panicked this weekend because the Korean MILF who usually cuts and colors my hair is on vacation, and I have to look semi-decent for this weekend�s wedding. Christ on a cracker, an ex-boyfriend may be in attendance.

I went to a new salon, and I must admit that I was a bit nervous, because the chick doing my hair could not have been more than 20 years old, and she had to keep consulting with one of the "senior" stylists throughout the whole (three-hour!) process. Now, usually I adopt a rather laissez-faire attitude toward the whole hair thing. I figure it will always grow back, and I like to just let the stylist do whatever he or she wants. This may be why I once ended up with a mullet, but whatever.

I just don�t want to look all fug for this wedding. I don�t quite know what the big deal is; I guess it�s just that I�m going to see a bunch of people I haven�t seen for about 12 years, and I�d rather not look like a douche.

The kid did a pretty good job, though, and it was a hell of a lot cheaper than the MILF�s prices. She seemed excited at the prospect of my coming back and letting her experiment a bit with crazy colors and whatever cut she wants, so maybe I�ll give her another shot. We also had fun talking about what a rat-bastard her ex-boyfriend is, and how he cheated on her with another stylist who works with her in the same salon. Oh, the drama!

Unfortunately, CD doesn�t have a ton of vacation time accrued yet, so we�re flying to L.A. just for the weekend. My good friend Julie, who used to be a fellow dork but who betrayed me by blossoming into A Great Beauty, is getting married on Sunday, and unless I see it in person, I just won't believe she actually got married. I�ve known her since the third grade, and I just never pictured this woman getting settling down, like, ever. Her longest relationship before this one lasted about three weeks.

This is someone who called me after a date, and when I asked her if she had fun, she was like, "Yeah, I did, but I can�t figure out if I like him, because I�m fun, so it was probably just me. He could be totally boring."

She�s right, too. She is fun. She�s incapable of having a bad time because she just makes her own good time; I sure have a lot to learn from her. She also has balls like you would not believe � a few years ago, she just up and moved to L.A. She went completely alone. The day after she got there, she saw that The Simpsons was hiring a Production Assistant. She had never seen the show, but she thought it sounded like a cool job, so she just walked in there and charmed them. They told her that a car was an absolute necessity, so she went out the next day and used most of her savings to buy a used Mustang, then went back to Fox and got the job. She moved 3,000 miles and had an enviable job within 48 hours. Julie is fucking awesome.

Anyway, after flitting from short-lived relationship to relationship, Julie one day decided that she was sick of the whole dating thing and wanted to settle down. Just like that � she just decided in one day. So she thought back on her previous relationships and remembered this one guy she dated in high school. She figured he was the nicest guy she ever dated, and he was - you know - fun.

So she tracked this guy down and found out that he moved from Rhode Island to San Francisco, and she was in L.A., so they decided to meet up and see if there was any "spark" there. Now in the history of bad ideas, this is one of the worst, right? This would never work out for anyone, right?

Well, they met, and she said they were in love within an hour. Well, I guess she fell in love within an hour. Of course, he had been carrying a torch for her ever since high school. Of. Course. Can you imagine how he felt when she just called him out of the blue?

Within a year, they were engaged. I swear, this is so Julie. I�m not even that surprised.

By the way, Julie was ordained online and married CD and me. Isn�t she beautiful? She�s the hot one on the left.


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metanephros at 6:17 pm

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