April 17, 2006

Proactivity

I just love the way the big cheeses at my firm hate to think ahead. I think they're fans of the clusterfuck, I really do. It's like chaos is soothing to them somehow.

Our entire department (the largest department in the firm) is supposed to start using entirely new software today. First of all, this "new" system was created in, and has not been updated since, 1984. Now, our firm did not have anyone come in and train our employees to use this software; we were told, "When you have spare time, fool around with the new system, and see if you can figure out how to use it." As Dave Barry would say, I SWEAR I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP.

Of course, my department is under-staffed and everyone is overworked, and no one has any "spare time." Also, since when is "fooling around" a proper training technique? So after having about a month to screw with the new system, we get an email message on Friday afternoon letting us know that our old system will no longer work as of Monday morning, and we're going live with the new system. This is how they do stuff around here. It's brilliant.

So as of Friday afternoon, the conversion of all of our data from the old system to the new was not complete, no one knew how to use the new system, and the head of our department left early.

When I started work this morning, I was told that the conversion STILL wasn't complete, but that the old system had been shut down already. Ha! This place makes it so easy and fun to do my job. As I have mentioned before, I don't think they know what "proactive" means.

Speaking of which... I used to think Proactiv Solution was a miracle product, but right now my face disagrees. Right before we moved to Virginia, I saw an awesome neurologist for my insane migraines, and I started taking Topamax, which is like a miracle that has pretty much cured me not only of my intense migraines (including the ones accompanied by eye spasms and visual weirdness) but also the "normal" headaces I'd get 2-3 times a week. This is all fantastic, but the Topamax renders my birth control pill useless. I haven't found a new gyno in VA yet (any recommendations from anyone in the DC area?), but I realized I need The Pill for more than just, you know, control.

I don't know if it's just the abrupt change in hormones or what, but my formerly clear skin is a frickin mess. I used to tell everyone I knew that Proactiv was THE answer for craptastic skin, but now my skin is proving otherwise. Apparently a daily dose of norgestimate and ethinyl estridiol, - along with the increased possibility of blood clots, stroke, and heart attacks - was responsible for my peaches n' cream complexion. Blech. I look grody.

However, I was provided with a totally fake ego boost today. Since I've been rendered unable to work by the idiots in charge, I'm wasting my time checking out My Heritage which is COMPLETELY ridiculous. You upload a picture of yourself, and it tells you which celebrities you (supposedly) look like. Apparently, I look like:

Um, what? For the record, I don't look like any of these people. They don't even look like each other. Do you ever hear, "Is that Molly Ringwald walking out of Trader Joe's? Why, no... my mistake. It's Vin Diesel."

Do they ever tell you that you look like ugly celebrities? Like, is their hook the fake ego boost ("Hey, you guys, I look like Heather Locklear. It's a fact because My Heritage told me so.") Is someone like Clint Howard even in their database of celebrity photos?

Oh! One more thing on the "failure to plan ahead" front: you know that trip I'm supposed to take for work on Thursday? They've booked my flight, but they still haven't booked my hotel room or gotten me a rental car. I don't know where I'm supposed to go once I get to the airport, or how I'm supposed to get there. Maybe I AM getting fired. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

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metanephros at 11:51 am

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