December 20, 2003

Virgin Entry

I find that I can only examine myself by reading what I've written, after giving my writing some time to rest. It's like a good roast; it needs to rest before I can cut into it, or I'll lose all the juices. Or something.

Mr. Meta and I once took a cross-country camping trip, and I tried to keep a journal. I did pretty well for the first 3000 miles or so, but I just stopped after a while. I always regretted having blank pages from San Diego to DC, because when I looked back years later at what I had written, I felt like I was meeting myself for the first time. I had a new perspective on what it was like to talk to me. And I was pretty funny.

Tonight I am tired, and I feel stress in my neck and arms. Also, my teeth are grinding down to a fine dust. I'm looking forward to a month of having a near-real life with Mr. Meta, after a semester of being lonely and busy and tense and angry. I feel like a lot of things need to be squared away, and I may not relax completely, but I need the time off from school even if just to conduct an experiment in what a normal life feels like.

I'd like to see my husband. He'll still work too much, but we may have some real time together. We'll still have opposite schedules, though, so my nights will still be kind of lonely.

Tomorrow morning I will see LOTR at 8am, before Mr. Meta's theater opens. The nephews will be there, too. Then it's weekend-before-Christmas shopping time - a pleasure. I'm hopped up (down?) on Vicodin, and it's time to sleep.

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metanephros at 12:43 am

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